Just a little more time....

Today is the third day my father is in the ICU. This probably the end of a long selfless journey, spanning 90 years. He celebrated his 89^th with us on the 24^th of November, and it’s just 23 days since then, being the 17^th of December. My father, papa to us, was brought here on the 14^th. As I sit here and type, flashes of life past float  through my brain. Memory, sometimes, is not a great thing.

For the last three days I have been praying to the almighty for a little more time with him. Just a little more time!

 I don’t know if I will get it.

Why do I want more time? He has lived his life well. A full, wonderful life. Right up till the 13th evening. I want it for many reasons. To understand those reasons one needs to know my re-born relationship with my father.

Typically, children move away from parents once they are married and with families. I did too. And then, for practical reasons, I had to move my parents from Lucknow to NOIDA (where I live) to be able to look after them. So they did that and moved into a flat in the adjacent building. Life went on, with it’s ups and downs. Till after 8 years, on the 16^th of January, 2014, when my mother passed away. You have already read her story in the foregoing pages, so I will not dwell on that. Needless to say, and as the readers will know, she and my father were totally in love,  like forever. Papa stayed on in the same flat and I oscillated between my home and theirs and slept there for a few months, giving him time to grieve and get over her in the same environment. He was then 88. He kept talking about our hometown, Lucknow, and though I tried my best to make a similar environment at home, it didn’t click with him. By this time we had become more like pals, than father and son. So I decided to take him to Lucknow for a visit. My close friends arranged our stay, though they did not realize how critical this visit was for his mental satisfaction. I am eternally grateful for their love and support.

We drove down. Because he loves driving or at least being driven. Just me and him and an attendant who had been with him since 15 years. It was a lovely trip. We saw our parental house (no longer ours) met all the neighbors, his old pals and in short breathed the Lucknow air till we were satisfied. We then came back. Though tired, he took the trip quite well. Slowly thereafter he developed dementia, losing memories. Maybe a blessing in disguise since his grief for my mother was being forgotten.

As time progressed his dementia grew and slowly memories decreased. Though active and able to do basic things he needed to be watched over all day. And so, my status moved from son to care taker to baby sitter. The last 12 months were spent in my trying to understand his communication, which was endless and trying to do what he wished. We spent the days together,  either at home or giving him his outings or drives. Hilary would take him down for a walk, or to the mall for a coffee or an ice cream. I would take him out shopping or the bank at times. Our days were full of papa.

In the few months, he was able to do everything he liked. He lived a full selfless life. Never had any major illness or sickness.

He didn’t make it. On the 20^th of December, 2015, he passed away peacefully. An era had ended.

So, why did I want more time? To be able to do and say things I felt with him but didn’t, make up for our arguments, learn his values, the list is long. So, why do I want more time? To be able to do and say things I felt with him but didn’t, make up for our arguments, learn his values, the list is long.

During the 6 days he was in hospital, I was able to say to him the things I had not said. I was able to promise him things he would have liked to see me do. Though I could not reverse time, in those six days, as I recalled my whole life with him, I was able to understand the legacy he was leaving for me. The legacy of patience, of understanding, of love, of sacrifice, of spirituality, of living for others and of servitude. Everything that I had learnt from him and forgotten over the years.  Even in his dying he was living for me. For us. For our family. He waited those six days for me to understand and accept this new reality. He waited till my brother from Australia was able to reach and see him, something my brother was desperate to do. I am not sharing this for people to praise my father or praise our family or anyone else who served him. So please do not even respond.  I am sharing this so that we all realize that everyone is not so lucky to get that little more time. So let’s learn not to waste it.

Do things which our heart says are right. Spend all the time we can with our loved ones. Help those who need help. Guide those who need direction. If we have a parent, love them and value them. Give them time. Do not grudge what can be done or said, however inconvenient. Otherwise, like me, one will be desperate to have just a little more time. 

Animal Lessons Part II

The Monkey

For me, monkeys are the epitome of what I should not do. I find that, in real life, our mind is the monkey. It  is restless and difficult to predict. Many times it causes trouble and leads us into serious trouble. Like monkeys, we keep somersaulting, never focused, always searching, always jealous, imagining fears that didn’t exist and ignoring those that did. “I have no clue and fear those that speak so I follow whatever they say, changing my mind every single day”.

For me, in Business, the three monkeys depicted by Ghandiji have a negative teaching as well – what not to do. And these three monkeys give birth to a fourth one. All together, they are the ruin of business, of leaders and of employees. 

These four monkeys sometimes run our businesses. And we allow them to, nay, invite them to. We may not recognize them, so below is a reflection. 

Monkey no 1: “I do not want to see”
Businesses are organizations of people. And people by nature are averse to accepting bad news, bad feedback or criticism. It really all depends on the business leader – does he encourage openness and transparency of thought or is he autocratic and does not expect people to speak their minds. In businesses that don’t want to see, you often find a culture of fear and finger pointing.
Not wanting to see the reality will not change it. Since our natural tendency maybe to avoid facing bad situations, if we do not purposely see and address it, we will soon be engulfed and sucked into the problem, as a victim , instead as a challenger.
Monkey No 2 : “I do not wish to listen”
The majority of businesses are unable to listen. Simply, because they never did and don’t see the use of it. They don’t seem to care about their employees or their customers or their business partners. They are always in the aggression mode, defending what they have left.
Listening to others requires a will and an effort. It is a positive aspect of business building; based on feedback, suggestions, news and most of all impending and changing desires and needs of the market. When we do not listen, we will soon be out of the reckoning. That is for sure !
Monkey No 3 : “I do not wish to speak”
In partnership with monkey no 2, this third monkey is distinguished by his lack of confidence and motivation and absolute fear of criticism. It is also true of managers and employees (and some leaders ?) Since it was not in their JD, they are not supposed to. Nor are they encouraged to acquire the space and freedom to be creative, think, listen and speak their mind because they are  defined by those that do not see or listen.
If we do not speak, our creativity, our intelligence quotient and our competence to achieve goals is greatly diminished.
And finally, if we allow these three monkeys to ride on our back , we finally have a fourth and deadliest one :
Monkey No 4: “I cannot act”
Having spent a lot of time in sanctuaries and  jungles, one observation was more profound. If a lion or a tiger stands beneath tree full of monkeys and roars, one or two will definitely drop off the branches. The fear of the cat freezes the otherwise active creatures into complete inaction. And that inaction causes them to lose their life.
Are we letting these three monkeys become so heavy on our backs that out of fear of consequences we freeze into inaction ? This is a very common and main problem in life and in business.
If I do not act in the right manner, at the right time, with the right people, I am preparing my business to be dog food for sure!
In conclusion,
WE HAVE TO GET THOSE MONKEYS OFF OUR BACKS !

Animal Lessons - Part I

The eagle

Flying over the storm – Alone !

Unlike humans and other animal species, the Eagle rises up to face the storm and flies high above it, at altitudes no other birds can fly. It does not choose to remain or take shelter with other flocks. Unlike other animal and bird species, storms actually excite an Eagle. Its life performance thrives and it’s best abilities surface.

Like the Eagle if we choose to do something great in life, we must learn to rise up over our challenges to overcome! Use life's storm to be better, wiser, greater, wealthier and healthier.

The Eagle has  Vision

Flying high above, the Eagle can capture objects 2-3 miles down. No matter how many issues it faces the Eagle stays focused and does not lose sight of it’s prey. We will always face dissent and arguments, but in spite of it all,  we should not lose focus of our goals.

The Eagle rejuvenates itself.

When the Eagle feels weak, exhausted and dying it retires to a high mountain top cave or shelter. No to die, but to shed off their older feathers, break their older beaks and also remove their old talons.

They then grow a  new beak, new feathers and new talons. New life tools for them. Thus in six months, they are “re-born”. Renewed. Strengthened to overcome great challenges again. Like the Eagle we too must rejuvenate. Stale information must be discarded and new things learned. Old habits must be changed to cater to the changing world. We need to adapt to our changing environment, imbibe the knowledge of new life tools and respond to the new life challenges. 

The Eagle Tests Before it  Trust

The female eagle subjects the male eagle to vigorous testing before allowing the male to mate with her. When we want to partner or enter some  kind of agreement with others, we should test the commitment of people before we trust them with our time and resources.

The Eagles prepare with Training

Young eagles have been known to learn how to fly by observing how their parents fly. At first, parent eagle prompts them to fly by holding food in their beaks while flying around the nest. This usually makes the young ones to fly out of the nest and this is repeated till they become perfect. Second, to train it to fly high, parent eagles take the baby eagle to a mountain top at high altitude to prepare it for the challenge of flying at great heights. When the baby eagle is released, the free fall at first is frightening but the mother eagle soon comes to the rescue and the process is repeated again until the baby eagle can fly alone at high altitude in the manner of the parents.

Challenges of life are a constant. These challenges are our training period for higher responsibilities. The better we are at managing our battles in life, the wiser and more responsible we become. Preparation is vital for future success.

Animal Lessons

God may have made Man the master over all the creatures of this world, but we can yet learn quite a few management lessons from animals. My ideals are three – the Eagle which teaches me to soar over the storm and survive; the Monkey who teaches me what NOT to do; and finally the Fish (which also happens to be my birth sign).

I would like to share my Management learning from these three, over three parts in this blog. 

Part I – The Eagle

Part II – The Monkey

Part III- The Fish

Hope these writings can excite and motivate the readers as well as they have me.